I'm having a wedding meltdown. Not sure if I want the colors or gowns that I picked any more!!!

You would think, with me getting married and all, that I’d be able to commit. Unfortunately, I am deathly afraid of committing…to a dress. To all of the dresses in my wedding really.

Now, I know I’ve probably blogged more about dresses than any other topic so far. That is because I am driving myself INSANE with indecision. I already own two wedding dresses, and I’m contemplating a third. I almost started looking at new bridesmaids’ dresses, but one my ladies talked me out of it. Still, nothing is set in stone, and that’s giving me free reign to change my mind a million times.

First, I bought this gown:

…for $160 on eBay. I didn’t fall in love with it when I put it on. I went back to David’s Bridal, as you all heard, and tried on many more dresses. That was when I and everyone else fell in love with this one:

It made me look about two sizes skinnier, had just the right amount of color, was different without being weird. Amazingly, I found it new on eBay for $200. It is still in a box in my dining room.

It seemed to go great with my bridesmaids’ dresses:

Still, I wasn’t happy. I continued to look, despite other brides’ warnings to just let it be. I obsessed over the fact that countless people were telling me how many brides they had seen in that dress. It was all over eBay too…it seems THOUSANDS of brides have worn this dress. It bugs me to no end, irrational as that may seem. Then, I fell in love with THIS:

It’s also available in white with silver instead of black. It…is…GORGEOUS. And different! And elegant! It’s everything I want, and a knock-off company will make it for $179 (I don’t care about the brand name).

I started questioning my color choices. I originally chose dark red and gold because they’re Simon’s and my birthstone colors (garnet and topaz). Together on a dress, the colors were too bright, so I chose brown for the bridesmaids’ dress color, with a red sash for the MoH and gold sashes for the other two BMs. Then, when I chose a wedding gown with red, I decided the gold would look out of place and changed all of the sashes to red. Now, I wonder if I even want brown and red. Yes, they’re fall-like, but they’re hardly my favorite colors. I’ve read on The Knot how your fall colors can include dark blue or purple. I contemplated a classy black gown for the BMs and played with different color sashes.

My cousin then informed me that black doesn’t work well for an afternoon wedding, which is also fairly casual in my case. She insists the brown and red is great, classy, and different, which is what I want. Black would be too fancy.

I really can’t decide. I don’t want them all in red, I think it would look awful on the blondes. I’m not sure which gown I want for myself yet, and I’m going to wait on buying any more and give myself a few months to really decide if I can live with the white and red DB gown I bought. I need to buy the BM dresses before they stop making them, but I have a feeling the unauthorized site that’s selling them so cheap won’t get rid of them any time soon.

I just…can’t…COMMIT. And I’m driving myself, and everyone around me, nuts.

All I really care about is that I’m marrying the love of my life. But I want us all to look perfect while we do that! I just want perfection; is that too much to ask?

Upside of tonight, may have found a makeup and hair lady for the wedding

I love serendipity. I was waiting for my self-defense class to start, and my sensei was asking about my upcoming wedding. A woman waiting for her daughter to finish her class overheard and offered her hair and makeup services. She'll come to my home (which is in the same town as her) or the wedding site. She doesn't work for a salon, so she costs a lot less. She gave me her business card and offered a trial whenever I'd like.

So excited! That's one thing I really hadn't researched yet, and it sort of fell in my lap. I was thinking on-site, but we only have two hours at the location before the wedding and I want to do pictures then, so maybe it would be better if she just came to my house and did it there. She also offers facials, which I need to help clear up my horrible acne before the big day. Whatever isn't perfect by then can be covered up with her cosmetic expertise.

I may have hit a standstill in the wedding planning, but there are so many little things I keep realizing still need to be done. Transportation, makeup, hair, cake...okay, that's pretty much all I haven't planned for sure yet. And I do have 11 months left. But I know it's all going to sneak up on me! There are many things left that I have picked out, but haven't ordered yet, because I don't want it all sitting around the house for almost a year; invitations, programs, centerpieces, silk flower bouquets and boutonnieres, ceremony décor, bridesmaids' dresses and shoes, jewelry for myself and the bridesmaids, etc. etc. etc.

I can only look at so many different designs and such before making up my mind and leaving it there. I refuse to keep going back over these things lest I change my mind. Or at least, I try not to, as I almost changed my bridesmaids' dress on them, before they talked me out of it. I like having everything neat and wrapped up. My gown is on the way. My shoes are in my closet. Now I just need to calm down and wait for the rest of it to happen...and I hate waiting!

New hair!

http://twitpic.com/ozlhr

Now, my new hair-cut may not seem wedding-related, but it’s the first step in a series of self-improvement beauty techniques I’m employing over the next year.

I’m determined to get my hair all grown out and back to its natural color, which is some sort of dark brown. I dyed my hair black, then got blonde tips. The tips were easy enough to cut off, but the black dye may take a while. It was “temporary” hair color, but black is never temp. Luckily my hair is dark enough that my roots don’t look god-awful, but it needs to be ALL GONE by next October.

See, I’m giving myself to a stylist. I’m finding someone good, and saying to them, “Make me look pretty.” Whatever they think will look best, shy of man-haircuts and pink dye, is what they may do. Layers, highlights, whatever.

I like having long hair, it’s fun most of the time. But long hair is not flattering on short, chubby girls. I had it cut just below my shoulders, and it’s taking some getting used to. Washing and brushing are a breeze now though! I’m growing out the bangs too in case the stylist decides against them.

I’m also taking vitamins for hair, skin, and nail health. I may get facials leading up to the wedding, and possibly a chemical peel a few months prior. I have horrible acne and I just know I’m going to have a break-out the day of the wedding.

Now for my next tweet…

@CelestialAxis: OMG OMG our best man may be gifting us a free week at a resort he's a member of. He gets points and he said we can have it for our h-moon!

Yes, that’s right. Our amazing best man is giving us some of his rewards points, which will cover about 40% of the cost of a week’s stay at Palace Resorts. We chose the one in Cancun. CANCUN!!! Basically we’ll end up paying close to what we had originally budgeted, but now at a MUCH nicer place.

We decided on Sun Palace, which is couples only. Check this place out.

Jacuzzi in every room. Swim-up bar. White sand beaches. Um, can I get married now so we can go???

So that’s all my exciting news for the week. ;)

Wedding dresses! Now limited to the only three I'm considering

http://bit.ly/2ICopg

I know, I know, I still have 11 months till my wedding. But getting the dress is the funnest part of wedding planning, and I just can't wait. I have my bridesmaids' dresses picked out, and wanted to finalize my gown before I order theirs, just to make sure the colors match. To ensure their dress doesn't get discontinued before I buy it, I want to order them by the end of the year. Thus my wedding dress frenzy.

I have changed my mind about what dress I want so many times it's not even funny. I even bought one recently on eBay for $125, thinking it was my dream dress, until I tried it on and it didn't do much for me. It was okay, like every other dress I tried on. I was sure I would never find “the dress” or have that moment of absolute certainty. Every dress I thought I wanted, I ended up changing my mind about after sleeping on it. I spent an hour and a half in David's Bridal one day last month with my cousin, then this past Sunday, another two hours with other family members.

That was when I finally found it.

I went in with a list this time; I printed out a picture and the model number for nine different dresses. I handed them to Cindy and she gathered what she could find. Not all of them were available in Plus Size in the store, but I wound up trying on about six or so dresses. Some were immediately shot down, if only because others had looked better on me. We loved one, kind of loved another, hated the one I had loved last time...and then I tried IT on. I had picked it for the hell of it; it had a lot of color, and I was curious as to how it would look on me. I didn't think anyone else would like it. When I walked out of the dressing room, my aunt's, cousin's, sister's, and a few strangers' jaws dropped in unison. I seriously heard a collective gasp. I had found it.

I wasn't even convinced at first. I, who had wanted color on my dress so badly, almost thought it had too much. The dress can be special-ordered in all white, and I tried on a similar dress, but the effect just wasn't the same. Finally, my cousin asked me, “What do you want people to say when you walk down the aisle? 'Wow, that's different!” or 'Wow, she looks nice'?” That helped me a lot. I wanted to look different. Bridal, but not 100% traditional. I decided I loved the dress, after trying it on two more times.

So now I have to re-sell the dress I already bought, oh well. I'm not willing to pay full price for the dress I want (I just can't do it! I'm too much my mother's daughter), and I lost the auction for the only version of it I could find on eBay. But I know David's has sales practically once a month, so I'll try back between Thanksgiving and Christmas when they're desperate for sales. I am NOT getting it altered there. I do love it though, and I am SO glad I went back and tried on more! It is so flattering on me, I can't believe I might have never known how perfect it is.

So I did it. I found “the dress!” And I still love it, days later!