Let me preface this by saying we are NOT ready to be parents yet. None of this will apply for at least a couple of years.
Simon and I long ago agreed we only want one child. We'd rather provide really well for one kid instead of half as well for two. Plus, sibling rivalry. *shudder* We're both one of two kids (I'm the elder in my family, he's the younger in his) and know how bad it can be.
We also liked the idea of adopting. We'd really like a girl, and by adopting we can guarantee the gender, no birth defects, etc. I was never a huge fan of the idea of pregnancy. That was our plan.
Of course, lately, I'm starting to change my mind. There are so many things that can go wrong with adoption too. Very different things. Choosing parenthood is a risk no matter what. I'm starting to feel like I'd rather take the risk of pregnancy.
It's much easier to for me to explain this way:
- No adoption fees or legal drama.
- Child won't seek out "real parents" later in life.
- Child is socially more accepted as "ours."
- Easier to bond.
- Chance of pregnancy-related injury or death.
- Chance of child being born with a large medical issue.
- Body changes.
- Child inherits our unfavorable traits, like weight, vision, teeth, etc.
- Not adding another child to the population.
- Can choose gender and no special needs.
- Giving a home to a child that already exists.
- Child might not bond with us.
- Could take years of frustration to be matched.
- Parents could change mind at last minute (see this blog).
- Child could decide to find "real" parents at age 18 and leave us.
- Child could have unknown issues.
Obviously I'm not going to decide based on the numbers of pros and cons. All these reasons hold different weight. I've just gotten to the point where pregnancy isn't quite as terrifying as it used to be. And as desperately as I want a daughter, I think I could be okay with a son (I know, horribly biased of me!). My family already has 5 girls in the next generation, no boys. I can't decide if that means I'm genetically more likely to have a girl, or statistically doomed to have a boy. ;)
So what I'm feeling right now is that when the time is right, I'll go to the doc, get checked out and make sure I'm healthy enough, and try to get pregnant. If I'm not pregnant after a year, it wasn't meant to be. Back on birth control, contact adoption agencies. I brought it up to Simon last night, and he's not psyched with the idea, so we may need to talk more. We have time.